


Pieces of Me

by blackrose_17



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 16:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12987618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrose_17/pseuds/blackrose_17
Summary: Set after season 8, when Sam is in the hospital.  Dean tries everything to save his baby brother, and he comes to a realization:  Sam couldn't look for him.





	Pieces of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the SPN Reverse Big Bang I worked with see there amazing be_my_precious artwork[ here](https://be-my-precious.livejournal.com/739868.html)

Dean Winchester could only remember three other times he felt absolutely helpless.   
  
The first had been when Sam had walked out the door of the motel after he revealed to him and their dad that he had gotten into Stanford.  Dean had been so proud of his baby brother but it tore him to shreds to know that Sam was leaving him, but he did want his baby brother, his world, to have everything he wanted.  The hunting life was not what Sam had wanted at the time.  
  
The second was at Cold Oaks, just even thinking about it sent shivers of dread down his spine as he had been helpless to do anything as he watched the light fade from Sam's eyes. Holding Sam's limp body in his arms had been the worst moment of his life and never had Dean felt so powerless. He couldn't live without Sam, he had survived when Sam was at Stanford but that was very different than Sam being dead.. at last Sam was alive and safe there. For Sam and only for Sam would he sell his soul and he would do it in a heartbeat again if he thought any crossroad demon would take his deal he would be at the nearest crossroads.   
  
The third time was watching as Sam beat back the devil himself to regain control of his body and then tossing himself into the cage with a pissed off devil and archangel to save everyone, to save him. Hearing Sam's "I got him, Dean," haunted him for the year he thought Sam was in the cage being tortured by Lucifer and possibly Michael.  
  
Those had been three of the worst moments of Dean's life, but watching as Sam slowly lose his mind as the wall that kept his time in the cage was broken and he could do nothing but try to keep Sam grounded in the here and now.  
  
He couldn't lose Sam not again, that's why he had to stop Sam from completing the trails once he learned that it would cost Sam's life. While he would have loved to see the gates of hell closed for good, they would have to find another way. He couldn’t lose Sam again the cost was just too damn high.   
  
Now sitting beside Sam's hospital bed watching his brother clinging to life Dean once again found himself helpless to do anything. His eyes never left the slowly rising and falling of Sam's chest every breath that his brother took, he tried not to think about how shallow his breaths were.   
  
Curling his hand around Sam's limp hand Dean clung to him.   
  
Dean wasn’t a praying man, he left that to Sam, but right now he was willing to try anything at this point to save Sam. “Please, I’m begging anyone who can hear me don’t take him from me, not again. I know we Winchester’s aren’t your biggest fans and more than likely anyone who is hearing this prayer would rather kill me than help me and if that is the price I have to pay to save Sam then I am more than willing.   Just don’t take Sam from me again or you better be ready to take the both of us because I’m not living without Sam again.” At that moment nothing mattered to Dean but saving Sam and he didn't care if it meant he brought the wrath of all the angels down on him.  
  
Dean knew that if Sam was awake he would be telling him to find out what happened.  Did the angels really fall from the sky? Of course Dean was worried about Castiel.  He is a friend and one of the few angels that Dean trusts, but he couldn't... no, he wouldn't leave Sam's side.  
  
"You hear me, Sammy, you are not going anywhere without me. You want him then you better take the both of us." Dean tossed his head back and glared at the ceiling. There was nothing that was going to rip him from Sam's side. "I can't lose you again Sammy." Dean had lived without Sam when he was trapped in the cage and he hadn't been really living.   
  
"I should have stopped you from taking on those trails. I should have made it clear that you didn't have anything to prove to me, that you already were a hero in my eyes." Dean knows he hadn't taken it easy on Sam since he found himself out of Purgatory.  He kept Sam at a distance, treated Sam like he had failed him. Benny was a friend and someone he trusted but he could never replace Sam's role in his heart… but he had been hurt and he wanted to make Sam hurt as well.  So he dug deeper into Sam, showing how he failed him, and that Benny became the brother he could count on.  Dean hadn't stopped to see the damage he was doing to Sam how badly he wanted to hurt Sam was damaging not just Sam but himself as well.  
  
Dean got the wakeup call he didn't know he needed when Sam refused to stop the trails until he finally opened his heart up to Sam and pleaded with him. Losing Sam was not the price that Dean would be willing to pay to close the gates of hell. There had to be another way one that wouldn't cost him, Sam.  
  


* * *

  
Gadreel knew who Dean and Sam Winchester are, he doubted that there wasn’t an angel in all of creation who didn’t know the Winchester brothers, the two who had done the impossible and stop the apocalypse by throwing Lucifer and Michael into the cage, something his brothers and sisters had thought to be impossible. And while most of them hated the brothers he had come to admire their unbreakable bond for one another, that after everything heaven and hell had done to try and turn them against one another, their love for each other overcame it all.  But as he heard Dean's prayers he knew that the brothers’ love for one another was truly unmatched and that Dean would be willing to bring the wrath of all the angels cast out of heaven in order to save his brother.  
  
Gadreel didn't know any of his brothers or sisters who would be willing to do that. He couldn't see any of his angel siblings doing the same if need be. Dean and Sam love for one another was the kind he longed to have someday but that seemed impossible his siblings would never forgive him for the role he played in Lucifer's plan.  
  
It wasn’t easy for Gadreel to make his way to Dean and Sam and he had to be on his guard to make sure that no one spotted him.  He was relieved when he realised that he couldn’t sense any other angels in the hospital, which he was thankful for as he was weak from his fall from heaven.   
  
Dean and Sam Winchester were not easy to track even if Dean’s prayers lead him to the hospital they were at.  Something was blocking them, keeping them protected from heaven and hell. Making it a little harder for him to find them but he did.  
  
So when Gadreel finally found Dean he was filled with excitement over taking down a few of his stuck-up siblings and a few demons. It had been so long since he had done something like that. So when Dean took him to see his brother Gadreel sucked in a deep breath as he saw the internal damage done to Sam not just by the trails, but he also saw the handy work of Lucifer. He was also taken back by Dean’s love for Sam, the fact that his brother was willing to do all of this to save him. and it made Gadreel wonder what it would have been like to have a sibling who cared half as much the Winchester did about one another… maybe he wouldn’t have aided Lucifer. “I can help Sam but there is a lot of damage done to him it would be easier for me to do it on the inside. If I can take possession of him?”  
  
Dean wasn’t sure what to think of coming face to face with an angel willingly to help him save Sam. The problem was no matter how much he wanted to save Sam, he couldn't see Sam agreeing to be possessed… not after what he had experienced with Meg and Lucifer taking over his body, the acts they committed with his hands.  Sam was still trying to make amends for those even though he didn’t need to. "I can't. I want to save Sam more than anything, but I can't let you possess him not after all he has gone through."   
  
Gadreel could understand and respected Dean’s choice, and without Dean’s help there was no way that he could get Sam to say yes. “Then I will do all I can to help your brother but I’m not sure if a hospital is a safe place for him as we have seen angels and demons can find their way here. Do you have somewhere safe we can hide him away until I have healed him?”  
  
“Yeah, I know a place.” Dean still refused to call the bunker home; home for him would forever be wherever Sam and his Baby were, but for now the bunker would give them extra protection. “We need to get Sam out of here before more angels come looking for us.” Dean knew it had been a risk and one he would take repeatedly if it meant finding someone who could help save Sam.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
It wasn’t easy sneaking Sam’s weaken body out of the hospital and it became clear quickly to Dean that Gadreel wasn’t lying when he told him he was weak. Dean was more than willing to carry Sam out to the waiting Impala, it wouldn’t be the first time and no doubt, not the last time that Dean would be sneaking Sam out of a hospital.  
  
“It’s okay Sammy. I’ve got you and I’m going to do everything in my power to save you. I can’t lose you, Sam, you are my whole world. Just keep fighting Sam, don’t give up yet. Every word I told you in the church there is nothing past or present that I would put in front of you. There is no one I would sell my soul for but you, you have to know that I would be lost without you, Sam.” Dean whispered as he stroked Sam’s hair back from his forehead.  
  
Standing back behind Gadreel watched as Dean got Sam comfortable in the passenger seat of the Impala, he also did his best not to listen to Dean’s plea to Sam to stay with him. ‘I wonder if any of my brothers or sisters would plead with me like that.’ He very much doubted so. Humanity wasn’t their strong suit. But he had heard rumors that some angels had regained their humanity by hanging around Dean and Sam.  
  
Once he was certain Sam was comfortable Dean straightened himself up and turned around to face the angel waiting for him.  He had a few ground rules to lay down before he let Gadreel near Sam or in his baby. “Let me make one thing clear if you do anything to hurt Sam it will be the last thing you do. You wouldn’t be the first angel that I take out; Iand my brother have taken out our fair share.” Dean snarled out his eyes flashing with pure promise.  
  
Gadreel was many things, but he liked to think that he was no longer the fool that had been tricked by Lucifer. He finally had freedom from heaven and the last thing he wanted to do was to make Dean Winchester his enemy. “That is the last thing that I want.”   
  
“Good, I’m glad that we understand each other.” Dean made a mental note that once he got Sam tucked away safe and sound he would see if he could find Castiel… he would like it if the other angel could keep his eye on Gadreel.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
The ride back to the bunker was awkward and a little nerve-wracking as Dean was torn keeping his eyes on the road and on Sam, but he knew that his girl would get him back to the bunker. His baby was one to never let him down she was his and Sam’s home.  She looked after them and cared for them. “Thank you, girl,” Dean whispered as he ran his hand along her wheel.  
The Impala gave a purr beneath Dean’s hands she would always look after her boys.  
  
It wasn’t easy, but Dean managed to get Sam to their room and he felt his heart ripped out of his chest as he took in the sight of Sam laid out on their bed. “Stay with me Sammy or I will be joining you.” Dean had lived once without Sam and he hadn’t been living he would be joining Sam rather than go through that again. Heaven or hell would be a hell of a lot better just because he would have Sam with him.   
  
Gadreel felt like he was intruding on a private moment between Dean and Sam but he wasn’t sure where he was supposed to go.   
Dean gave him his answer as he sat up from his spot on the edge of the bed next to Sam. “Do your best to help him.” Dean hated the broken tone in his voice but damn it right now nothing mattered but Sam.   
  
“I will do my best.” Gadreel found himself promising. Moving closer to Sam, Gadreel could feel Dean’s burning gaze on him watching as he reached out and placed his hands on Sam.   
  
  


* * *

  
  
Sam was confused he didn’t know where he was but something in him told him that he needed to follow the path before him. But he was empty.  Dean should be beside him.   
  
“Dee where are you?” Sam whispered under his breath.  
  
“Your brother is waiting for you.”   
  
Sam found himself whirling around and he took a step back as he came face to face with someone he had never laid eyes on but he could see the outline of wings. “Who are you?”   
  
“I am Gadreel, I have been sent by your brother to heal you.” Gadreel could hardly believe that he was standing before the man who had done the impossible; who had beaten back Lucifer enough to toss them back into the cage along with Michael. Sam’s love for his brother had done what no one in heaven or hell had thought could be done.  
  
Sam could only stare at the angel before him, he didn’t trust many but Castiel and Dean trusted them even less. “Why should I believe you?”   
  
“Wise question Samuel.”   
  
Sam’s breath caught in his throat as Death appeared before him. This was very unusual as Dean was the one who usually had these talks with Death. “Death, what can I do for you?”   
  
Gadreel could barely move as he realized that he was standing before Death himself the one that would one day reap God.  
Death smiled at Sam. “I had been waiting for you. Samuel, I had been prepared to offer you peace.”   
A final death.  That was what Death had been offering him, and Sam wouldn’t lie and say that he wasn’t tempted.   
  
“Your brother prayed to all who would listen to you. I am here because he asked me to save you.  Dean needs you.”  Gadreel found himself pleading with Sam.  
  
“Dean.” Sam longed for a place where he didn’t have to worry about being hunted by angels or demons or the monster of the week; that he no longer was held responsible for what he did when he let Lucifer out or that he no longer failed Dean in saving him. ‘Dean would be better off without me.’  The bitter voice in Sam’s head spoke up.  
  
Death studied the young man before him. Sam’s soul was in pieces, he was barely hanging on but there was only one thing that kept him fighting his love for Dean. “If you come with me it will not be long before I come for Dean’s soul as well.”   
  
“Don’t you dare think that there is anything, past or present that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever!” Dean’s passionate plea came rushing back to Sam and he knew that Dean meant every word.   
  
“Dean.” Sam breathed out and in that moment both Death and Gadreel knew what Sam had chosen.  
  
“You will have a long road in front of you.” Placing his hand on Sam’s forehead Death watched as Sam’s eyes fluttered closed and his body fell back to land on a bed that he had conjured up. “Sam and Dean Winchester are under my protection. They have done much and given so much to save the world over and over. Should you or anyone else try to harm them you shall deal with me.” Death warned.   
  
Gadreel could only nod as the power rolled off Death. This was the one entity that not even an archangel could go against.   
“Then, while you begin to heal Sam, I shall speak to Dean and ensure he understands that Sam is alright.” Straighten his jacket Death took his leave of them but he would be keeping a close eye on Gadreel to ensure that Sam was alright.   
  
  


* * *

  
  
“Come on Sammy, just open up those eyes for me. Let me see that you are okay.” Unable to keep his hands off of Sam he rubbed his thumb on Sam’s lower lip.  
  
“It will take some time, but Sam will heal and return to you.”   
  
Dean didn’t budge at the sound of Death’s voice. He wasn’t surprised that he was there.   
  
Studying Dean’s back, Death decided it was the time that Dean learned a truth… that Sam had been wrestling with telling him, but never found the chance to.  "Sam didn't give up on you while you were lost in purgatory. He didn't settle down with a girl and dog and forget all about you. Sam was on the verge of breaking. He didn't have you to pull him back from the edge and when he went over all the rest of the world could do was help pick up the pieces.”  
  
Dean couldn’t form the words, he was at a loss for what to say. The woman and dog that he hated so much had been the light that pulled Sam back from the darkness. “I’m sorry Sam and when you come back to me I will make this up to you.” ‘Maybe it is time for the Winchester’s to step away from hunting.’ They have done so much, hell they had done more than their fair share and now with the bunker, they could start up the Men of Letters again.  
  
“Can you tell me what Sam is going through?” Dean needed to know what to do to help Sam.  
  
“Castiel had done his best to fix the damage he did when he broke Sam’s wall but as you saw just how damaging that could be to even an angel let alone what it could do to a human. Sam did his best to fight back Lucifer’s memory but when he lost you he lost the one thing that kept him anchored. Samuel did this to prove himself to you. He truly didn’t care if the trials cost him his life.” Death informed Dean.  
  
Dean remembered how broken Sam had been after his wall had been broken and even though Castiel tried to make amends by taking the memories onto himself, he was still taunted, and Dean knew this.  It’s just he had been so changed by his time in Purgatory, hardened into a version of himself he hadn’t liked. Getting back to Sam had been all that kept him going and he had been so angry when he found out that Sam had settled down and hadn’t looked for him. He hadn’t stopped to think and realize that wasn’t something his Sammy would do. Sam would never just abandoned Kevin… not when he had demons hunting for him, but he had wanted to hurt Sam like he had hurt him.  
  
“Post Purgatory me was a dick,” Dean muttered under his breath he was grateful that Death had left him alone with his thoughts he wasn’t ready to for anyone to hear his admittance.  
  
“Wake up soon Sammy. I need you.” Dean pressed a soft kiss on Sam’s forehead. 

* * *

 

  
It took much longer than either Dean or Gadreel thought it would for Sam to start to show improvement but nothing would move Dean from his brother's side he only left long enough to shower, eat and use the washroom then he was right back to his spot beside Sam and no matter how Dean would deny it, his hands always sought out Sam's hand.  He wouldn't rest until their fingers linked. Dean lost count how many times he fell asleep watching Sam's chest rising and falling making sure that Sam was still with him.  
  
"Dee."   
  
At first, Dean thought he was dreaming, after all, it wouldn't be the first time that he heard Sam's voice in his dreams.  
  
"Dean, wake up Dee."  
  
It wasn't until shaky hands ran through his hair did it hit Dean that this wasn't a dream, that it really was Sammy's voice calling to him.  
  
"Sammy? You're okay?" Thoughts of sleep all but wiped away from Dean as he opened his eyes to one of the greatest sights that he had ever seen Sam, awake and smiling at him.  
  
"I'm okay Dean." Sam gave a small shifted and winced, "Alright so I'm not okay, but I'm here Dean." Licking his lips Sam wasn't sure what to say to Dean, he could still hear his plea in the church and he knew that Dean meant every word that he had said.   
  
Now Dean wasn't a fool he knew that Sam still had a long way of healing to go but he was awake. "Sam, I don't know where to begin... who to thank for keeping you here with me. I don't know how to begin to make up for all the things I said to you.  I was hurt, so angry that I could be so easily replaced that I never stopped to think how that it wasn't you."  Taking Sam's hands in his Dean looked deep into his eyes. "Tell me, Sam, if you hadn't been haunted by your memories at what that bastard Lucifer did to you would you have looked for me?"  
  
Sucking in a deep breath Sam squeezed Dean's hands as tightly as he could with his limited strength he needed Dean to believe him.  "I would have ripped apart all of heaven and hell to find you. Dean, you have to believe me that I did the best I could until it became too much and I was seeing Lucifer everywhere, and when I hit a dog I realized how much of a danger I was. I was going to start looking for you again Dean once I stopped seeing him every day."  
  
Dean felt like a jackass at the pleading tone in Sam's voice. "Of course I believe you baby boy, I should have never doubted you. I should have listened to you."   
  
A small smile tugged at the corners of Sam's mouth. "You're listening now." That was all Sam wanted was Dean listening to him.   
Deciding that there was too much space between them Dean moved up beside Sam and pulled his brother into his arms closing his eyes at how willing Sam moved into his arms. "We are going to take a break from hunting, something we should have done since your soul was returned. You need to heal and that is all that matters to me right now."   
  
"What about the angels?" Sam wasn't sure how he should feel about angels after all they had done their best to turn him and Dean against each other to bring about the end.   
  
Accept for Castiel and Gadreel Dean didn't have a soft spot for those feather bastards and he didn't really care what happened to them, they had proven that they were no better than those black eye bastards. "They can look after themselves.  Like I said all that matters is you. Let me take care of you baby boy."  
  
Placing his hand on Dean's cheek Sam pressed his lips against Dean's in a soft kiss. "Okay," Sam whispered when they broke the kiss.  
  
Dean felt something loosen in his chest, it was about time that the Winchester's look after one another like they did before all of heaven and hell messed with their lives. "How about I cook you something to eat?" He had no doubt that Sam was hungry.   
Shaking his head Sam snuggled in closer to Dean's side, "Maybe a little later. Right now this is all I need."   
  
Wrapping his arm tighter around Sam's shoulders a small smile appeared on Dean's lips, "This is such a chick flick moment but me too Sammy, me too." 


End file.
